Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Day: 12/31/08

The end of another year. A time of reflection and remembrance of the previous 365 days.

I didn't complete any major projects this past year. I started a number, but as always, they hit a point where my focus was drawn away in another direction.

I did manage to get some of my debts paid down and one paid off. It was a painful process, but it has to be done. We are still working on maintaining some measure of a budget. The coming year will have some challenges in store with the budget, but I believe that we will make it.

I keep thinking that each year will be the one where everything falls into place and my few worries will be removed permanently. It is a hope, but only hard work and dedication will make it happen in any course of time.

Happy New Year to everyone. May your days be blessed and your family safe.

Good Hunting, 2008.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Day: 12/29/08

Okay, so I am trying to get started on my exercises, again. We have had a beginning yoga dvd for a few months now, and have only used it once. With the holidays, everything, including exercise was pushed to the back burner. As a new year resolution (as if anyone really keeps those things) I am going to try to maintain some measure of an exercise routine. I can not keep on the way I am now. By most standards, I am obese. While I do not put much faith in the government standards, as I believe they are set for an agenda or a statistical purpose more than anything, it is still a measure that is more or less definite for the moment. As good a place to start as any.

So I did the 10 minute strength and stretching workout (all the routines on this dvd are 10 minutes long) and I was huffing and puffing during a couple of the poses. While I have pretty fair strength in my legs, they are not used to holding all my weight one leg at a time for an extended period of time. :)

Even if this does not necessarily work, at least I am trying to do something.

Happy holidays and a merry new year!

Day: 12/28/08

I have joined a new social website at: http://www.paganspace.net/profile/LordFlintLuchtaine

This site is dedicated to those of the 'outside' belief systems. I'm sure the mainstream religious orders are permitted, but it is primarily home to 'pagans'. Come by and drop a note, I always enjoy new friends.

Ok, so it's not exactly a new joining notice since I've been on the site about a month now. But, now, everyone knows. :)


Dream: unknown date

I have been having dreams on and off again. More off, as usual, than on, but that is normal.

Of the couple of dreams I have had since my last blog post regarding it, nothing is remembered except that I did dream.


Day: 12/25/08

Another Christmas. A day for friends, family, food, and celebration. Of course, to the kids, I should add 'getting presents' but to some of us, there is a lot more to Christmas than just getting things.

Case in point, my girlfriend's daughter was desperately hoping to receive a Hannah Montana guitar toy for a gift. Of the celebrations that I attended with her, she did not receive this toy a single time. It is still painful to see a child's face when they do not get what they are wanting. Present after present were opened, and time and again, no guitar. Her face would fall after every package being something other than the guitar. Clothes filled her packages this year, something that she was in true need of. Honestly, I don't know many kids that actually enjoy getting clothes on Christmas, but when they need it, they need it.

For me, this holiday was about seeing some people I don't get to see very often. It is difficult every year to try to figure out how to fit everyone into our time schedule. We wound up spreading the holiday over the course of three days just to cover everything. It's funny. Every year we moan and complain about how there isn't enough hours in the day to see everyone. And somehow, we squeeze in everyone each time. This year was made more difficult on the time schedule since I had to work both days, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Walgreen's enjoyed the holiday, we were BUSY!

This year was hard on the money side of things too. Lower bonuses, or no bonuses, given made it difficult to get something for everyone. We usually don't get everyone something, but we try to get at least the immediate family covered.

So, for those out there, I would just like to say:

Merry Christmas, Happy Yule, Merry Kwanzaa, Happy New Year, and many blessings to each and all on your respective holiday.

Here's to another year!

Monday, November 10, 2008

Dream: 10/31/08

Dream 10/31/08: Family

I was at my grandparents house and my grandpa was remembering that he wanted to give me a cordless drill he had no further use of. He reached atop the refrigerator and brought down a sprinkler head for a garden hose. I told him that was not a drill. He ‘oh’ed and then went back to searching.

Dream: 10/30/08

Dream: 10/30/08

Had a dream again last night/this morning. Very story like in its nature, but I remember so very little of it from waking.
I know there were children in it. Like they had some purpose born unto them.
There were violent animals and I believe even a child from a different dimension that I wrestled with.
As seems to be the case lately. I was in a defensive state, but I was an aggressive stance.
It was like the children of each dimension were born at the same time'ish, but had to cross into the opposite dimension to complete some task to dictate which dimension controlled.
My dimension was apparently ahead of the game, since the 'alien' child was still in it's dimension and my children I was guarding were in the 'alien' dimension with me.
I remember the animals being violent 'cause I remember swinging down from a catwalk like structure onto a lower level and seeing, I think rhinos, rampaging beneath.
The 'alien' child had glowing yellow eyes. But I believe it was stronger than it looked. I think I recall having to drag it to the floor to restrain it.
There were two children with me that I was 'escorting'. A boy and girl I think.
The atmosphere of the dream was very war-time'ish. Very uneasy and strained feeling.

Dream: 10/26/08

Dream: 10/26/08

I was leaving Walgreen’s late after work at night. As I walked the parking lot towards my car, I saw a middle-aged, black woman in the lot as well. She was dirty and very unkempt, but was moving around and generally otherwise well. When I noticed her my defensive alarms came on and I kept one eye on her as I moved closer to the car. She had apparently noticed me as well but did not make any move directly towards me. As she moved toward the store side of the lot, I extended my step and reached my car quickly. I quickly entered the car and locked the door as I closed it. Just as the door slammed shut, the woman was at my door trying to open it. I gave her a quick look and loudly said, “F*** YOU.”

I awoke

Dream: 10/23/08

Dream: 10/23/08 – Knight of the Shield

I had attained a knighthood in the Order of the Shield. My plate mail was of dark black color and had silver emblems on the shoulder guards and breastplate.

I was in a place and it was necessary for me to attack/defend off someone. I felt like I was in a school building I had been previously familiar with. I had a long tube with a wad in it that looked like a head of garlic. I would swing the tube and the wad would fly out and after a short delay it would explode with great effect. The tube did not release every time, so I had to swing it numerous times to get the wad to eject. When it did, the wad landed near the ‘enemy’ and exploded, nearly stopping him. He did not go down and continued to attack. I drew a blade and after a few precise slashes and a thrust to the side of his neck, he fell. Afterwards, I was continuing a patrol, or just walking down the hallway, and the wad was the subject of someone’s conversation. I don’t know why, but I again tried to eject the wad down the hallway I had been walking. It finally released and landed near a flight of stairs that went to a lower level. A few civilians walked past the wad and I was nervous that it would explode with one of them nearby. It did finally explode, apparently taking out another ‘intruder’. A central alert station contacted me, somehow, and said I was becoming a regular ‘Batman’. I shrugged and said ‘I guess’.

I awoke, then went back to sleep.

Dream: 10/23/08 – Knight of the Shield cont.

I was walking with a younger man down the same ‘school’ hallway. He was asking if the rote, mundane, everyday affairs of his job were all there was to it. I told him that it was ‘pretty much all there was’. The work was similar to the work I do for the County. He was carrying a moderate size stack of papers with him. I was then shifted to another location, walking outside with a female, also a Knight of the Shield. My armor was on a display rack, as if I was ‘off duty’ at the moment. I commented that there had apparently been so very few Knights of the Shield, given that there were so few suits of armor to go around/made. The woman agreed that it did seem odd for there to be so few, but she didn’t say more about it. I donned my armor.

I awoke.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Day: 7/6/08

It is in my understanding that when a person prays, performs ritual, hopes, and/or dreams, that they are in effect attempting to cause a change in conformity with their will. This "to cause change in conformity with the will" to me is the basic understanding of what magick is. That we pray, or do other, to some higher power to change some aspect of our world to something else; to cause change. Who among any can say that they have never prayed or wished upon a star for "peace on Earth" or something along those lines? I doubt many can say so honestly.
It strikes me then that if so many people, regardless of tradition or path, are attempting to make such changes, why do they not seem to happen? I submit that they are attempting to happen, it is the manner in which they are happening that is the problem.
If I were to perform a ritual for world peace and leave it at that, well, who is to say just how world peace would be achieved? One would hope that it would be done delicately, that those with such anger that they disrupt world peace would suddenly be cleansed of their anger and have some fairy tale ending where everyone loves everyone again. I find it hard to believe that it happens this way.
One of the main lessons of many paths of wicca or other pagan paths is that the wording of a spell or ritual is just as important as the expected outcome. The wording, it is taught, should always include something to the effect of the Wiccan Rede: "An ye harm none, do what ye will." In essence, as long as no one or thing is hurt in the process, go right ahead and attempt to make your change. I know from my own experience in the Roman Catholic church, that this kind of 'safeguard' if you will is nonexistant in their prayers. Honestly, I do not ever recall praying to God, "Lord, please deliver world peace without anyone getting hurt in the process."
It is this lack of wording that I believe is causing so much strife and disharmony in the world. Without such wording, magick has a tendency to take a direct approach, sometimes even to a literal point.
What would bring world peace? The annihalation of the entire human species would do that pretty well. Without humans, the animal kingdom would return to a balance on its own and nature would reclaim what he had taken by force. Pretty drastic way of doing it, right? But would world peace not then be achieved? :)
Or perhaps it will be a little more lopsided. Say for instance, everyone that does not bow to one particular flag is imprisoned, killed, exiled to space, etc.? All that would be left then is one group of people that would have much less to argue over, and so world peace may be created in such a way.
Perhaps one would think then to start smaller, say you want to make enough money to pay your bills off. I can say I've asked for this one! But if you leave it up to 'just get to the end however, as long as the change is done' kind of attitude and lack of care and precaution, you could wind up with your entire family dying off from some tainted vegetable at a family reunion and you inherit all the money. Hey! Your bills got paid off, right? Or perhaps you get hit by a bus on your way to work. Nice settlement from the bus company to your lawsuit would pay off your bills quite well. Oh, but if you were now a parapalegic, well, your bills still got paid, right? In this course, one might then say that they were hoping just to win the lottery, or that some new loophole in the tax laws would be found that would pay them some nice dividends, or some ancient stock that was passed on to them by some long deceased relative would finally pay out for something. Yeah, it could happen, so can the bus.
It is a nice thought that so many people around the world are wishing for things like world peace, or some better tomorrow, but I think we should all stop and think about how these ends would come to be met. In my experience, most people do not consider the 'how' of some change coming to hand, only that it does cause a change in accordance with the will.
I know that when I go to say my prayers, or perform my ritual, I will take the extra few moments to make sure that none get hurt, including myself, in an effort to cause some change to match my will. I would hope that those that read this will also stop and think about the 'how' of their particular wished for change may come about and take that extra minute to add a little hope of safety for others instead of just shooting into the dark and hoping to hit the bad guy standing in the back of the row behind all the innocent bystanders.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Day: 6/1/08

Words to the wise: "If a friend invites you to see their new pool, make sure it was NOT just filled up...after the sun was in the later part of the day." We greatly enjoyed the invite, as we deepened newer friendships and spread the joy. :)

My son, despite the coldness of the water really enjoyed himself, once he figured that if Daddy can get in the water, so can I. As it is, the pool was just shallow enough for him to stand (on his tiptoes) in the water by himself. I finally had to man-handle him out of the water because he was shivering a lot. And, despite his coldness, he wanted to come back in. Kids can be so crazy sometimes. :)

Day: 5/30/08

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Sunday, May 18, 2008

Day: 5/17/08

I acquired a couple of items over the weekend of which I am quite excited. The first is the book, "Chaos: The Making of a New Science" *ad pimp alert* which can be found in the Amazon list to the right *end ad pimp alert*. The other book is Liber Null & Psychonaut (which I have yet to scratch the surface of). The last thing I bought was a new deck of cards of Shaman cards (I do not remember the exact name of them at the moment).

The first book, Chaos, is really an interesting read to me. It is not so much a religious text on Chaos magick, nor is it particularly about the field of Chaos math/physics/science. It is primarily about the 'how' of Chaos coming into the picture of mathematics and physics the world over. It is a chronicle of sorts of the different original discoverers of this new field of science. It talks about their discoveries, without too much detail to bore the reader, and the struggles they endured to have their work recognized and accepted.

The second book, Liber Null & Psychonaut is actually two books in one. This is, as I understand it, a good read for those new to the realm of Chaos Magick. I have only read the first few pages, as the author states it is something of a workbook used by the Illuminates of Thanateros to train new members. As it is presented in a manner of a workbook, I feel I should definitely take this one slow and work my way through it. One of the first things the book recommends it to create a magickal journal and keep a daily record of all work done or not as well as thoughts and results while undertaking this path. I am still considering how I will manage this daily journal. I had considered putting it here, but I am uncertain of that. I could certainly make a new blog, or use my crippled and disused LJ page for it. Or, I may just keep it private.

I am not so keen on the keeping private, as I would like to share my journey and allow others who may just happen by and understand what is going on to give advice or point me in new directions that I may have missed. Much of any religion is being able to give and receive advice from others who have been there. This exchange enriches much of the tradition, especially lesser understood paths, and keeps people from feeling like they are the only person on the planet to be have this one particular problem. Chances are, if you are having a problem, there is someone else who has been there before. I do understand why some people may consider the private route as well. There is a lot of hatred and distrust and ugliness in the world we live in. People have little tolerance for things they do not believe in or do not understand or have been taught that it is wrong on more levels than there are stars in the sky. Point is, if I do go the public route and receive a hateful or aggressive comment, I will just read it, consider it, but I will not probably reply to it, and then continue on with those comments that are a little more helpful.

The shaman cards too I am taking slowly (I can't remember the name of them because of this). As I have them at work, I take each morning and draw one card, in order, out of the deck and put it right in front of me where I can see it as I work. While it is not particularly actively working with the card, I am still letting my subconscious work with the card. Once I have made it through the whole deck, I will be better (I hope) able to decide the best way for me to use the cards in my path work. I may not find any use for them, but I may find intense use for them, who knows.

I did have a good laugh though tonight. As I sat talking with a few online friends, I found that my 2 1/2 year old son had gotten a hold of my Liber Null book and had sat himself on the couch and was turning through the pages with a rather serious look on his face. I gently exchanged that book for his bunny book and moved my book to a higher shelf. While he probably meant no harm, harm sometimes comes in accidental ways when it comes to children and things. :)

Dream: 5/16/08

Just a few bits of this dream remembered.

I recall seeing outside a number of times into a backyard much larger than my real backyard. In the yard was a variety of great and small cats, and some 'odd' dog-like creatures. I say dog-like because I knew them to be dogs, but they were over-developed in certain areas. Like the one I saw the clearest the front half was very developed and yet compact, but it did not strike a particular appearance like any dogs I have known.

Mostly the dream centered on the cats. One cat I knew was my young lady, Dixie. She has developed to be an indoor/outdoor cat, and during the dream she was outside. Most of the animals were content to leave her alone, but in the yard was a large tiger. This tiger was more aggressive than the other cats. I saw a cat seem to run towards the house as if it had been wounded and the hair was kind of tangled and in tufts.

Thinking this was Dixie, I went to the door to let her in. Not seeing her near the door, I entered the yard to look for her. I saw the real Dixie out in the mid part of the yard. She saw me and began heading my way. As she moved, the tiger began to advance on her in a manner as if to attack. I turned to face the tiger and gave a strong command. The tiger hesitated at my voice, waited a moment, then began to approach again. Three times I halted the tiger, and each time it would wait and then begin to advance. Finally, Dixie made the backdoor and went into the house with me right behind her.

End of memory.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Day: 5/7/08

Well, up to today, I had been keeping to my small exercise routine. My legs are still doing 3 sets at 20 lbs, but my arm curls have been slow going. I had thought they might be further along when I started, but I guess that was not the case. I am planning on stepping my legs up to 25 lbs, but I will keep the arms at 20 for the time being. I know it sounds weird, but I never liked having to stop and change plates just for different exercises. I am keeping the bench press at 20 lbs so that the muscles can get used to the workload. I may not be building much muscle there, but toning muscle is just as important.

I did not do any exercises today. I had spent the better part of the day sick, so by this evening, though I was feeling much better, I figured my system had better things to do than worry about rebuilding used muscle too.

Once I get my exercise routine in as a routine, I will be able to expand other areas of my life I have been neglecting. My mystic studies have stagnated mostly from a lack of time. I need to get back into those so that I can do more work with it. Just because the body is sound does not mean the mind or soul is.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Day: 5/4/08

Today I started back on my exercise regimen. I am trying to keep it simple so I do not overdo it and lose interest.

For starters, I have always known that my upper body strength was far behind my lower body. My lower torso, well, a beer belly does not quite cover it. So, I need to increase my upper strength, trim my middle, and tone my lower.

To begin, as I said, simply, I did just two exercises.

Bench press @ 20#s: 15/15/15
Arm curls (press bar) @ 20#s: 15/6/4

My chest muscles handled the bench press with little effort, but my curls were obviously much harder. These need a lot of work, as I knew they would. I am a bit surprised at the chest muscles being able to out perform the arms, but I hope to bring everything together in time.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Day: 5/3/08

We had the annual family crayfish cookout today. This is a grand party held by the family where many friends, family, and others are invited to the house to eat, drink, and be merry.

For me and my small part of the family, we have attended this gathering since its inception. My girlfriend was first introduced to crayfish after the second party. She was a stubborn non-eater of the little delicacies until she broke down in a fit of hunger and ate some. Ever since, she has craved them and eats her fill at every opportunity. My son, on the other hand, will eat one or two, but given the spiciness of the crayfish, he bows out after that. This year, he was much more active, since he is almost three now. On his own decision, he learned that the cookie and cake table was actually something he could reach onto! Oh dear, sugar rush from Hell! But really, it is ok, he had fun playing with the other kids at the party.

Here at the house, we have been continuing our Spring Cleaning. This time we are focusing more on simplification of our domicile. We honestly have too much junk and things we keep for no particular reason except to have. This is not a good situation as the house always feels cluttered even when it is cleaned up. A friend said that in her system of belief Asatru, that there are wraiths that on occasion need to be appeased to help in the cleaning of the house. I think my wraiths around here aren't very happy with us. It always seems that there is more and more to clean up. Of course, that could just be because of a hyper 2 1/2 year old in the house too. :)

Monday, April 28, 2008

Day: 4/27/08

If you live in the Southern part of the United States, then this topic is something you probably know more about than you cared to: Mosquitos!

Yes, those pesky, biting, pain in my arse creatures that leaves one wondering just what in the name of all that is Holy was somebody or something thinking when they let this blood-sucking parasite of a creature come into existance. What plague these creatures are on all things that walk! I only happen to bring these pests to light as I was outside this night and noticed just how many of them there were hovering in the light, on the wall, on the floor, on the ceiling, I thought I was at a vampire conference or something. Being myself, I proceeded to reduce the gross population of mosquitos to a more manageable number that decided it was safer elsewhere for the moment and left my immediate line of sight. 30-0, my favor!

So I was left wondering, besides squishing these beasts into oblivion, was there a cleaner, more sanitary, and 'green' way of doing this? I needed information! OFF TO THE INTERNET, CHARGE!

As is custom, my first stop was wikipedia.org. A quick search for mosquito and viola! Information! I am so happy. :)

Well, it turns out aside from being a plague upon all that is alive and blood-carrying, they are also a natural disease carrier and a bugger to kill. I did learn, what most mosquito ridden people know, that while standing water is most often the place of choice for breeding of mosquitos, it is new to me that in order to be able to lay eggs, the female MUST feed on blood.

Now interesting enough, mosquitos are actually not primarily blood-feeders, they actually can survive on the nectar of flowers and such. Only when a female wants to lay eggs is the blood required. Now I knew, but for those that did not, the male mosquito does not feed on blood, ever. They do not have the equipment for it. There is also a LOT of study going on regarding the saliva injected by the female mosquito during feeding as to just how this stuff works. It is truly a coctail of 'stuff' from Mother Nature's kitchen. Anti-coagulants, immune response inhibitors, and various other proteins, acids, and what-not are just some of the ingredients.

Now when it comes to killing these bugs, there are a few options. Squishing is satisfying if you just got bit, but messy. Poisons can be delivered either against the larvae or the adults, both of which require different spray types to get to them. Or, there are a few plants, such as Venus Fly Traps that may eat them.

There is also a lot of rumor and old-wives tales around how to protect yourself from mosquitos. Much of this lore has been proven false, or mediocre in their effectiveness. So far, the science of the matter seems to agree that DEET is the best way to protect yourself from the bite.

Well, end of my lecture, if you want to know more, well, I don't think I would be the best to ask. :)

Dream: 4/24/08

Tommy Chong was chasing me with a pistol. I was running in a shirt and underwear. I attempted to hide in an abandoned room and he followed not too far behind me. As I was hiding, I heard another person enter the room. This new person was toting a very, very large blue serpent. The room I was hiding in was the cage/housing for this particular serpent. I fled, with Chong beside me, from the room. After a distance, I turned on Chong and wrestled the pistol away from him. I pointed it at him and attempted to fire the pistol; it was loaded with blanks.

(Author's Note: There was more before and after this snippet of the dream, but I do not know what those parts included at the moment. Perhaps in time...)

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Day: 4/21/08

As I was surfing around the internet today at Entrecard.com I found myself peering into various blogs that I was wondering just what the overall purpose was. Admittedly, I don't particularly have a direct purpose for this blog ( I pretend I know what I am doing ), but some of these blogs were so choked with advertisements and link exchangers that I could not find what the person writing the blog was trying to say. Are they saying the only have it for the money? I do not know if some of you have noticed or not, but I have been adding a few things other than RSS or Atom feeds to the panel on the right. Yep, I have been cyber-pimping my blog here. It turns out that I would like to know that someone somewhere is actually reading what I am typing here. I do not know why I feel that it is important, it is not like I am giving any serious relationship advice, or strategic business advice here. No, it is just me ranting and raving and talking about weird things here and there like toenails and product distribution on store shelves. So why would I care that people read this? Honestly, I do not have an answer for it. Perhaps I am feeling a little cut off from the world lately. Perhaps it is akin to giving a lecture and then having a Q&A session afterwards.

Some of this blog, like this posting in particular, are more for myself than necessarily for others. Then why blog about it if you do not want anyone else to read it? Well, I actually do not concern myself about whether someone else reads this or not ( I just conflicted with my previous statements, I am so proud ) on a normal basis. I do know that some parts of this blog are to be like a second memory for myself. To help me remember things that I would like to remember. Or, just to talk to myself to work out things that have been rolling around in my brain. It is not like I have many marbles up there to begin with so I have plenty of other things rolling around up there. :)

In time, this blog will become a sort of online Grimoire or Book of Shadows for myself. I am not like many Wiccans that believe that our Book(s) of Shadows must be hidden and not shared. I see little purpose in this thinking. The information is there, most people are not doing much that is truly groundbreaking. The books are out there ( *pimp alert* see the amazon.com widget for a brief listing ) for everyone who is interested. So hiding my Book of Shadows is kind of silly to me. Ok, on to the next point, I am starting to repeat myself. :)

See? I am sitting here having this discussion/lecture with myself and ye faithful readers and I am listening to this advertisement on TV about whitening your teeth so that you will be more attractive and get the big promotion at work while getting the supermodel of your dreams and having everything you could ever want. Yeah...right. These late night info-mercials are absolutely ridiculous. Everyone is so 'perfect' in them. Oh sure, they feign being 'normal' people, but you look at their hair, their clothes, the lives they portray and you wonder where these people come from and how did they have time to use these products for years when the product is just now available to the public? Theoretically, they were part of a select group for a trial run of the product, kind of like focus group testing. Yeah, these happen. Ever meet anyone in one of those? Honestly, I d have never known anyone offered to be a part of a focus group for a new product. Just like you, I get those spam emails saying you can win this or get this if you fill out the survey, etc. etc. I have not gotten flippity flop from anyone of them that I did.

Sigh. I seriously dislike our society and the focus on appearance as the main indicator of who a person is. I tire of 'perfect' people being shown before us 24/7 in every conceivable manner known to mankind. I am not perfect, I have made, and continue to make, mistakes. I do the best I can and you know what? If that is not good enough for them, then they can take a big bite of me. ;)

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Day: 4/19/08

Well things have been pretty slow around the house and at work lately. I have not had much energy to do much exploring of the internet or much else. I really am starting to hate being sick like this. It has only been a month or so, but the constant cough and sinus problems are really starting to wear thin. The antibiotics I am on are giving me the runs, so keeping myself well hydrated is more important than ever. I suppose it is all paying off though. I can sleep through the night, only waking up because of the diarrhea instead of coughing fits. Yeah, I just know everyone wanted to know all about that. :)

So I was sitting here playing with my chaostar and I have been feeling a gentle peace over me while I wear/play with it. I have been letting out my path selection a little more lately around work and friends. Mostly they ask what the star is, and I tell them, and most are content to at least have a name for it. I did get an odd look from my mother about it, but given that she is a Roman Catholic, I kind of guessed it would come. I never have been able to talk to my family regarding my choice of religion or my beliefs, I just never seem to find the right way to broach the subject with them. They are all church going people who are there every Sunday without fail to hear the 'good word'. Don't get me wrong, if it is good for them, more power to them. I never found any peace in the sermons or the book.

I really need to get back into my research and learning. Just after the year on the school project, I'm not much in the mood to exert much mental sweat at the moment. Perhaps in another week or so I will be more up for it.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Day: 4/13/08

Well, my year of work on the Domani School has come to an end. I have studied, drafted, erased, and pulled more than a few hairs out over the course of the year. At the end of all that, progress has been minimal.

The most I can say I actually did is modify the school motto.
Regenerate the website (did a lot better this time. :) .
Pared down the course list and generated a rough idea of what the courses should be about.
Outlined the structure for creation of the syllabus of each class.
Learn that there is a lot of legalities behind the words.
And that there are many more years of work to be done, whether it is done by me or not.

Aside from that, not much else was done. There are a lot of procedures that still need to be decided. And a lot of those can not be done until a better understanding and know-how is gained on how the actual school will operate.

So now I lay down my pen and free my thoughts for a while to wander as they will without the worry of the school for a while until I feel the muses descend and grant me the desire to push onward.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Day: 4/11/08

Please give a moment of silence for the passing of my friend, Chuck Paslay.

A young man, at 32, who fell to a heart attack. He will be missed by many.
He leaves behind a wife and child and father.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Day: 4/9/08

A strange night this night.

I awoke at 1:30'ish in the morning to a fit of coughing. I had taken some Robitussin to control the cough not an hour earlier, but it didn't seem to have the punch to knock it out. So, I was left wondering what I would do about this situation. I felt a bit sore from the coughing so I figured what I needed was a good warm bath. Perhaps the vapors from the hot water would ease my sinuses and cough, and the warm water would ease my body.

We had some aromatherapy bath crystals from an earlier cold that had been in the house, so I threw a good heap of those into the tub and turned the hot water onto high. The crystals immediately dissolved into the water and the smell filled the bathroom with a pleasant odor of eucalyptus, menthol, and echinacea.

Not wanting to wake the entire house, I figured I would keep things dark and just sit in the tub without turning on the lights. I also thought that this would keep me from starting up my night owl tendencies to want to stay up if I kept things like I should be asleep. Not wanting to kill myself around the bathtub, I found a small candle and lit it and placed it on a small shelf in the tub so I would have a little light to work by. By now, the water in the hot water tank had pretty much run out and the water had turned cooler. The tub water was plenty hot, and I tested it, finding that it was too hot and added some cold water. Of course, this would be much more pleasant if I had a tub I could actually relax in. But, we make do with what we have.

So I'm relaxing as best I can in the tub and given that I did not really have much else to do, I sat and watched the candle while the water and bath crystals did their things. It is a funny thing to sit and watch...

I sat thinking about the past. People I could remember. Places I had been. Things I had done. I thought about the day's events, who said what, where I went, who I saw. I watched it all with a cold detachment, like it was a fleeting memory. No real emotion to it, just a fading film of time past.

I sat and thought about the future. I had talked to a friend, Faith, earlier regarding just what the future is and how divination foretells the future. I have found it best for me to consider that the future is not a set thing. I have believed it to be the result of a course of decisions. Given any decision we are offered, we have multiple paths that extend out from the decision. Each path is an option. Depending on which option we take, we lay out the future in a like manner. Divination is just the Universal Concious saying, "Hey! You've got some decisions ahead of you. Given the past and your nature, this is the most likely way it could turn out."

I sat and considered the relationships in my life. Some are better than others. Some I wondered what purpose they served. Some I wondered if they were really worth even keeping. We are often defined in society by the company we keep. If you hang out with a certain type of people on a regular basis, society has the tendency to just lump you in with them, even if that is not who you really are. Society does funny things like that. I normally dismiss such assumptions, knowing better who I am than what they perceive. But, like so many things in our world, things are based more on what we see than what we know.

I sat and considered the candle. Yeah, I know, but it is really interesting when you sit and watch the flame. The way it flickers back and forth. Almost...as if it is dancing for you. The way the wax melts, normally a bit unevenly. The smell of the burning wax and the slight wisp of smoke that you can see if you watch just right. I thought of days of old when candles were all there were for light. Before electricity, but out of the stone age. Simple, yet deadly, times. I watched the shadows and the light dance on the walls, in the water, all around. How it stretched and skewed this way and that with the changes in surface.

I thought about where my life was heading. What I needed to change. How I needed to change. Why I needed to change. In the world of the Chaote, everything is a possible change at some point. I even considered coloring my hair a nice shade of neon green. :) I thought it would look pretty good, but probably not until I was tanned instead of pasty white. :) My job, that was an easy one to decide on, that needs to change. My family...that is a difficult one to consider. I would say I am probably stuck with them until I die, or run off into the wild, change my name and never look back (but that might be a bit extreme... :) )

I finally found out that the water was getting a little on the cold side, so I broke out of my thoughts and took a few minutes to chuckle at how I had spaced out for nearly an hour and a half. I felt much better after all my time in the water. I wonder how much of my ease was caused by the water, the crystals, or just letting my mind go a wandering.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Dream: 4/8/08

I had been transferred to Chancery Court. I found myself seated near the middle of the office (similar to where I am now) facing the front doors and I could see a small marble topped counter ahead of me where filings were taken in. I heard a dot matrix printer begin printing, and thinking to myself that someone had printed a label for a court jacket. I looked about to see where the printer was or who was printing it.

At some point, I began talking to someone to my left about some 'odd' slugs that had started to appear. Just at that time, I saw a slug-ish type creature on this person's right shoulder. I don't remember the color, but it was multi-tentacled. I knocked it off this person's shoulder and watched it fall to the ground. It was still alive, so I put a binder clip on it (I suppose to keep it from getting away).

I then sat wondering why I was in this office and feeling a bit awkward, and I noticed that there was a computer in front of me. I started to use the computer and found myself in a screen where I could see multiple images of a pointing hand with finger extended moving around the screen. I guessed that this was representative of the other users of the network and I could see what they were at least doing with the mouse.

I think it was about time to leave so I turned off the computer. At some point in the dream, I recall there being conversation/someone saying to 'do not drink the water' in a kind of menacing voice/tone. End of memory.

Day: 4/8/08

It particularly irritates me at the absolute laziness of some people in the business world. Granted, there are some jobs that just by their very existance makes you wonder what they are there for since there are no duties actually assigned to such a position. But, it is the labor force of our society that I am talking about. The grunts in the foxholes on the front lines of retail. I have tried over the years to do my job, regardless of what it is I am supposed to do, to the best of my abilities at the time. I like knowing that a job I have finished is done to the best that I could have done. Sure, someone else might have done it faster, or even better, but for me, it was my 'A' game.

While I was at job #2 last night, I was given the task of filling the open door drink cooler. Normally, this is a job I try to get out of, just because I already know what is about to happen. It turns out, I was right this time too.

In a retail environment, it is only natural that there is some level of disorganization that occurs as customers browse the varied products, read labels, and even change their minds on a product. It is natural that while some people actually think to put the product back where they got it from, many at the same time do not. So, in the end, the retail employees usually have to spend some part of their day straightening and reorganizing merchandise so that customers can find things more readily.

This disorganization is only increased when the employees do not take the actual time to reorganize properly and just start putting products all willy-nilly in the general vicinity of where it belongs. This is my store's big problem with the drink cooler: Willy-Nilly Organization.

Now, I don't know how many people have actually noticed, but the price stickers in front of the merchandise is actually quite informative when you learn how to read the information. Typically, there is the price, a short or abbreviated description of what item the price refers to, and in some cases the UPC that is printed on the item. Other bits of info may be here, but these three are the most important parts. This information is critical for the organization of the store. We place product on the shelves using this information. We receive a product and send it to the department it is assigned to. The clerk of that department then takes the product to the proper area of that department. Using the package information, the price stickers (mylars), and a little common sense the clerk matches the product UPC and/or description to the mylar and places it on the shelf proper.

So when it comes to the drink cooler, I have to ask myself if it is just laziness or that someone actually can not read? I opt for the first, laziness. For an example: We carry some fifteen varieties/flavors of Gatorade. Each flavor is assigned a position in the drink cooler and is mylared to indicate where each flavor belongs. Not all flavors are kept cold, some are kept room temperature on the 'hot' shelf. So I ask you, why do I have to remove near every bottle of Gatorade from the cooler, resort the flavors into their respective position in the cooler, take the 'hot shelf' items to the 'hot' shelf just to take cooler items from there to put back in the cooler? Does it make any particular sense that I should remove from a single line of Gatorade six different flavors?

What really annoys me about all this willy-nilly'ness is that it is detrimental to the customers. I think everyone can agree that there is a particular flavor of something that they like. Be it a drink or a candy bar, when you go to a store you expect to find it without having to go on a treasure hunt for it. I certainly hate to have to look for a flavor that I like. If I don't see it on the shelf where it should be, I will ask an employee where it is (perhaps it had been moved to a new location) or I will just leave without and go somewhere else to find it.

This 'find it or leave' mentality is what I consider when I'm resorting the drinks in the cooler. How are we supposed to sell this stuff when noone can find what they want?

Anyways, I think I've ranted enough for the moment. :)

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Day: 4/7/08

Now, I can appreciate the countryside as much as the next person, but I swear, if I have to drive by one more empty field on the highway, I think I will scream. So me and the girlfriend drove to Jonesboro this day. Boring. We did manage to keep ourselves conscious be talking, but there was not much to look at. I was particularly surprised at how little traffic there was. In my little world, I had thought Jonesboro to be a city of some significance, but with so little traffic on the expressway, I was really given reason to wonder if I was just imagnining the size of Jonesboro, or its importance. Even once we reached the city, there was not much traffic. Weird. A work day, not too long after most people had left work, and there still was not much in the way of traffic.

We made the hospital in plenty of time for visitation, and I must tell you, they have apparently some really good drugs up in there. My girlfriend's mother was flying higher than a kite after her procedures. All she could really talk about is how it was 'like being at Disneyland' with inflatable space suits she got to wear and the flying cars in the OPEC building. :)

The rest of the visit was mostly uneventful. We didn't have the test results back from the G.I.s and no doctors came by to visit to give us any information. The nurses on duty only took her vitals and left, bearing no information for us. Eventually, time came for us to leave. We gave our support and goodbyes and headed home.

If the drive up was boring, the drive back, at dusk/night was worse. Did not even have the fields to look at. So we chatted it up on the way back to pick up the kid. We arrived at our friends' house and spent a bit there talking about this and that. Finally, I was wore out and had to call it a night. We got home late and cleaned up and went to bed. A long day to be had.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Day: 4/5/08

Yep, I have been slacking off at my blogging. Truth be told, there is not really much to talk about. The only real article of semi-interest is my girlfriend's mother. As it is, they ran her to the emergency room over the weekend and ran her through the gears a few times, a real guinea pig routine. They at first thought that she had a cancerous growth, but now that is questionable. There are various other things going on with her, but nothing quite as severe. An upper hernia, high blood pressure, panic attacks, and blood clotting are giving the doctors and nurses fits. So now it is going to be an upper and lower G.I. probes to see why some swelling has not gone away yet, and then back to other things wrong with her. It is not all bad though, she is getting morphine shots, so she is feeling quite well. :)

In the meantime, work has been work. I again want to make it known if my co-workers are reading this, I do apologize for being out Friday, but there really was not to be any other way around it.

My girlfriend has been having some bad headaches the past few since all the emotional stress with her mother is just kind of riding on her shoulders right now, and she's in that time of the month which really is not helping matters. The boy has been a handful, but manageable. Me, well, still sick-ish, but I really do feel like I am improving. I only cough now and again, but I make it a doozie when I do. :)

Other than that, I do not really think there is anything much more to say. I have some work to finish on The Domani School, but that is something really for another day.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Day: 3/31/08

Well, today was one of those days that I feel like I have more to do than I really do. I don't really know why I get that rushed feeling. It's annoying to say the least. Oh well, made it through the day with nary a scratch. As for my activities, spent most of the time working on the webpages of The Domani School for the better part of the day. I had told Lord Shadow that I would give a year to working on the school before I made any further decisions regarding it. Well, as it is, the year is almost up and I honestly don't have much to show for it. I secured sites for the School, a website, email, and I had a discussion board around here somewhere...oh well, I'll find it one day. :)
The website for the School is probably one of my better achievements. I even finally managed to find a news ticker for it that I liked. :) So now it looks mostly professional. :)
I've really been struggling to work on the handbooks, the student and the faculty, there is just so much to cover and I don't even know half of what should be in there. Of course there is always the legal-ese stuff that needs to be in there, but that is for later. If I could just nail down a few things I would be more comfortable with my progress. Well, I don't know. Guess I'll just see what comes about.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Day: 3/25/08

For those that may not have noticed, I have been quite busy on the internet of late. I have added a number of Blog feeds and links to the side of this blog. The "links I like/use" has been changed to "Whims of Chaos" because typically these are things that I just came across without really looking for them, so the name seems more fitting. I have also added a "Shop-A-Holics" section of internet stores and a "Forums" section for message boards and online discussion sites. Next is the "Temp (to be investigated) links" section that changes all the time. These are just sites I've come across and have yet to delve into to see if they have anything I consider worthwhile on. Most things that get here are moved up to the "Whims of Chaos" but not everyone works. For those that have actually gone all the way to the bottom of the screen, the list of online comics has been cleaned up, added one, and moved a couple of other sites out and up to the "Whims of Chaos" where they belong.

Life outside the internet has been pretty stable. Nothing of particular note to mention at the moment. Perhaps the rest of the week will liven up. :)

Monday, March 24, 2008

Day: 3/23/08

Well now, Easter time again. I hope everyone had a nice holiday, and those of us that got a three-day weekend, it just didn't seem long enough, did it? Oh well, back to the daily grind.

We were a bit heavier in the company department this year with the addition of my uncle, aunt and cousin from Texas coming up for the holiday. It's been quite a while since we have seen any of these family members, but we knew they were family as soon as we saw them. Must've been the weird look in their eyes. :)

Now, we have a few traditions in our family when it comes to Easter. First is the meal, I think everyone has this, but we usually have the standard fare of chicken, ham, lamb, assorted vegetables, pastas, and rolls. Next up is the kids. We are running low on children of age enough to participate in an egg hunt, but the three we did have had fun looking for the various plastic eggs around the yard. My son walked away with $0.90 this year for his efforts. As for the adults, we have the annual 'Beer Hunt'! This was started a number of years ago as a way to give the adults something to do besides stand around and talk and eat. I don't know where the idea came from, but pretty much everyone looks forward to it. One of the highlights of the Beer Hunt is not necessarily the hunt itself, but the trading that goes on afterwards. Everyone has their favorite beer, and some of us are willing to try just about anything. So, we all stand around trading until we get a good selection of brew to have. I walked off with 4 Killian's Red, 3 Buds, 7 Corona, and a Red Stripe.

For the most part, the whole weekend was kind of slow. We welcomed in the new washing machine on Friday, did laundry all day Saturday, and relaxed when we had the chance. Not a bad weekend, at least it was a three-day weekend so I was able to get a little extra sleep for a change.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Day: 3/20/08

Ok, as if looking for Wiccan things and finding a Protestant message board isn't bad enough.

So I was browsing through ask.com 's blog engine for 'chaote' and what do I find? A Baptist message board, weird, yeah? The Landover Baptist Church Forum. Once again I wonder what in the Chaos the Chaos is doing giving me this place, so I dive in and start reading. In honesty, I can't recall a forum where there was so much bad-mouthing in the name of the Lord and His work before. At least the Protestants were civil about the whole thing...for the most part.

Speaking of the Protestant board, I haven't gone back since my last post regarding it. Apparently, boredom set in faster than I thought, so I guess I'll chalk that one up to a whim of Chaos. Maybe I'll figure something else out about it later.

Back to the Baptists. No, I'm not jumping into this forum, I really don't want to waste the energy attempting to discuss anything with these. Read around a bit when the non-Baptists chime in and you'll see what I mean. Of note, I have seen Bob, a self-made Eunuch, a couple of Atheists (one of whom is James T. Kirk), and even a couple of Satanists (although I think one of them is making it up, along with some random claim to being a Chaote too).

So, I've updated a number of feeds on the blog here, added a couple of links, and generally been making a nuisance of myself around the internet, aside from that, not much else going on.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Day: 3/19/08

Please give a moment of silence for my friend, Aradiana and her family. Today they have lost a dear loved one after many months of struggle.

Author's note: I have invited a couple of my dear friends to join me in blogging here, hopefully you will see some of their work in the near future. In the meantime, I will continue to blog here as best I can and hope that Lord Darkfyre and Lady Aradiana join me soon. Happy blogging!

Day: 3/18/08

Well, today was a pain in the bud. Sinuses had kicked up to high gear apparently and left me weak and not doing so well. After trying to convince myself I did not have a temperature, I broke down and took it; 102F...yeah, ok, so I'm sick. I figure the only way to get myself back up and running is to take the day and drug myself up so much that I just sleep the day away and let the body do its thing. Robitussin, Sudafed, Halls, and Tylenol all start hitting the system every four hours. I'm glad the Robitussin knocks me out, because when I was awake, I think I felt worse.

For most of the my day, I spend it curled up either in the bed or on the couch sleeping in shifts, 3-3.5 hours here and there and then up for a bit waiting for the next medicine dose. Some times, I didn't get very much sleep since my son isn't quite old enough to understand that when someone is sick, it is usually better not to try to play horsey or giddy-up or jump on daddy. I did manage to keep my temper in check, so I didn't go flying off the handle today though I thought I might a few times. Momma tried her best to keep the kid in check and let me rest when I could.

I suppose the saying that 'you get worse before you get better' still holds pretty much true for me. I always struggle with certain things before it finally bests me and takes me down for a day, but usually after that day, I recover more or less fully in the next few. We'll have to see how this one goes.

Of other notes, I haven't been up to much. My time has been pretty much absorbed by projects around the house and work. My online time has been spent just working the emails and doing random searches for others who think I have some magick power to find exactly what they want for them. Ever try to find pictures of Princess Tiger Lily? Apparently from Peter Pan she isn't one of the more favored characters and finding cels of her are hard. Oh, sure, Tinkerbell is a snap, there are entire sites devoted just to her. But Tiger Lily is second to Tinkerbell apparently. Oh well.

I have not returned to the bible forum to date except long enough to copy and save all the messages to date that I have been involved in. Call me cautious, but I like to keep things like this that irritate me in case I need it later. Eventually I will delete it and forget about it, but for now, my irritation is still up at this place and at the moderator that was rather pushy towards me. So, I may go back, as the days go by, my curiosity of this place fades and I think less and less about it. I still am not sure why I was directed that way, perhaps it was just to give me something to do for a bit. I always say, "Chaos is funny that way." :)

Monday, March 17, 2008

Day: 3/16/08

Today was a day of family and friends. We started the day by having one of our friends drop off her son for a few hours while she went to work. This is a good thing, as it gives my son someone his own age to play with. I admit that he is not often able to have time with those of his age group in that my neighborhood is mostly older couples whose grandchildren are all older than him. I can not, at the moment, afford for him to attend a day care where he could spend more time with children, so we take what time we can get with him and the children of our friends. Granted, now that we have had three kids in the house, my son's room looks like a dozen tonadoes hit it, but what can you expect of a couple of two year olds? :)

Once we were minus the extra child, we piled in the car and headed to my mom's house to use her washer and dryer since I have yet to replace ours. We spent a good hour there, before other responsibilities called us elsewhere. We had hoped to return here later, but events would prove that to not be the case.

After taking care of a few other issues in life, we drop off my girlfriends daughter at her house and return to town. On the return trip, before we were to return to my mom's we had a delivery to make. Turns out, that the delivery turned into a chat session and three hours later, we realized what time it was and decided that it was better to return home than to try to go anywhere else. Sorry hon, we'll get you some crawfish soon, promise. :)

For the greater part of the night, I spent it on the internet working through pages of appliances trying to find the best deal on a new washing machine. I found one for about $260 that is made by Maytag (even though it doesn't say it is a Maytag). I hope that the store has one in stock, I don't really want to have to clear $300 before tax. Here's to hoping.

Day: 3/15/08

Ok, so when things go wrong, they usually do so at the worst possible time. Take for example my now deceased washing machine. While I am working Saturday, I get this cryptic call from the house saying that the "washing machine is making a funny sound." Now, guys, if you've dealt with a lot of women in this department, you know what this means. So, I say that there isn't much to be done about it right now, and I'll look at it when I get home. I get home that evening and proceed to yank out the dryer, and then the washing machine. Ok, so far, so good....except what is that black stuff on the floor? Oh great, metal filings, not a good sign. Ok, plug it up and check a few cycles to see what happens. Lots of noise, but not much motion to the ocean. (Almost like a bad sex video ;) ) Yeah, this is not a good thing.

I hang up my belt and hit the hay. At midnight, there isn't much that can be done to this machine or the clothes still in it.

RIP: GE Washing Machine, 3/15/08

Work for the most part was a pain. We were down a number of good people today, and on warehouse day, that is not a good thing. So those of us that were there and know how to do the work required busied ourselves as best we could at trying to put out as many warehouse totes as we could. We didn't get as far as we wanted, but did better than we could have hoped.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Day: 3/13/08

I have once again been carried by the winds of Chaos into unknown and unfamiliar territory. This time, in the effort to research one thing, I was delivered to another.

This site is what I refer to: http://bibleforums.org/forum/index.php

This site is a Protestant Christian bulletin board system. If you were ever curious about this branch of Christianity, I would have you read here as these individuals are very devout and versed in their particular branch of religion. If you should fancy to post in this forum, I highly stress that you read and take time to understand the many and varied rules to accompany such a decision. This is triplely so for those not of their religion.

Now, many would ask themselves why a learning Chaos mage would even bother to venture into such a den of religious belief. Honestly, I don't know. For the moment, I would but chronicle what has transpired since my arrival within the scope of my knowledge in some hope that maybe I will have such an answer.

On my first day, I spent much time debating with myself as to why I should proceed into this forum to begin with. As I don't know expressly why I was sent along this line, I figured that I could at least entertain the idea and, if nothing more, learn more about this particular faith. From experience I know that trying to read a board of this size without being a member is a lesson in futility. Being registered allows read discussions to be marked in a different manner than those that have not, so it is only logical to have that benefit if nothing else.

So, I go and create my userid, and start in on the rules and regulations. Honestly, I have not frequented a board where there are so many rules regarding the usage of the board. There are even special rules directed to those not of their faith. In regard to these rules, I am kind of dismayed that if I label myself as non-Christian, my access will be severly limited in the manner I may discuss faith or lack there of. For the most part, my access is restricted to a select few pieces of the board that I may post freely to (or near freely to) and all the rest I may read only. This is all done on the basis of their prior experience with members of other faiths, so I know where they are coming from on many things, while I hold a firm disagreement with other items. As it is said though, "their board, their rules, like 'em or leave".

After jumping here and there around the board for a few hours, I decide the best way to get things going was to introduce myself. Simple enough I would think. I do my quick introduction, and I figure I may get a hello or two, but am not expecting a grand fanfare for my appearance, perhaps a little panic, but nothing major. :) Needless to say, I was quite shocked to find more than just simple hellos aimed my way. Do not take that the wrong way, I have not been attacked in any manner, but other issues did arise that I will get into that in a moment. I had not fully considered the effect of making mention of the path of Chaos in my introduction. (Don't you just love how hindsight is 20/20? :) )

It turns out that I become quite the curiosity to some of the members of the board. So much so, that I/we managed to have our messages relocated to another portion of the board (luckily somewhere I still had the ability to post to). Well, it comes that one of the other members presented a question to me and I am put into a quandry. The rules of the board for non-Christians is that we are not permitted to teach or preach our faith or belief. The question regarded that in particular, my beliefs of God, Jesus, the Bible, etc. You see where the problem is. So, I take the issue to a private area and address the moderators on the subject while leaving the question kind of hanging in the air. I guess that got noticed and a second moderator stepped up and moved the previous discussion into the 'secret area' where I was pretty much hidden from the board. Not a big deal mind you, but rather unexpected.

As it all stands now, I am engaged in a private discussion regarding just how to approach questions such as the one presented with moderators. I have done my utmost to adhere to their rules and honor their requests and they have tried to assure me that I am in not any particular level of trouble. I have tried to assure them that I am not there for any mischief, especially since I don't know for sure why I am there in the first place. Of course, I think Mischief likes my butt or something about me because it has the tendency to follow me around. I don't typically try to start it, it just kind of does it on its own. Chaos strikes again is the best I could say. :)

On other matters, there really aren't any. This issue of the Bible board has me pretty occupied in my thoughts. I figure I will eventually either find what I'm looking for here, or grow bored of the whole thing and wander off somewhere else. Chaos can be confusing sometimes. :)

ADDENDUM (3/14/08): At this last hour, it would appear to me that I have been 'attacked' in a way and placed in a position where I felt the need to defend myself from messages that felt demanding and near threatening. I expressed my feelings in a response, answered one question demanded of me, and took my leave with the explanation that I may or may not return to continue any further dialogue.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Day: 3/09/08

Ok, so it has been a few days since my last post. Admittedly, there just really hasn't been anything of any note worth talking about. I haven't had much time to read, been sick to a point where my mental processes are just working enough to keep me mobile, and, well, it's a dull ride sometimes. :)

However, with that said, I did have an interesting consideration today. I found myself questioning, "why do we have toenails?"

In my own effort to figure out this question, I took to looking inside my own thoughts to find some glimmer of why embedded in there. I considered that, in ancient days, they may have had some usage as a weapon, similar to a cat's claw. In this day and age, I think that these particular nails have lost much of their use in this respect as anyone who has torn a nail from it getting snagged on something will testify, it hurts, a lot!

So then I considered that they were instead more of a protective measure. If I recall properly from my days in the Boy Scouts, nails on the hardness scale (of which a diamond is rated a 10) are rated a 5. Pretty impressive being half as hard as a diamond. Ok, so, again, as many will agree, you drop something on that toe, it is going to hurt and in some instances, the nail will be damaged and fall off. Not much of a defense mechanism there.

With our fingernails, we are given a better ability to pick up objects. Perhaps in some ancient age our toes had much more flexibility and having nails on them allowed us to use our feet to pick up objects too? I don't know about you, but my toes aren't much good for picking up much of anything.

Ok, so my internal thoughts aren't helping much. I then hit the internet. Certainly some have questioned this before, maybe they fared better.

20 pages of Ask.com later on "toenails" did not fare me well. I found a number of sites from doctors regarding ingrown toenails, fungus infections, and runner's black toenails, but nothing anywhere that said 'why' we have them. I did encounter one site that approached the question, but it was not much better of than I am.

So now I head off on one of my tangents regarding black toe nails. I had at a time considered taking up walking/running and in a book (that I need to get back by the way) that covered the life of a person who wanted to run the New York City Marathon and how they lost a toenail or two in the training process. I went to find out if this was truth or myth. Ok, it's a truth, if you get the shoes right. Apparently there is a lot of data and science to getting the right pair of shoes for walking/running. And here I thought I was well informed regarding getting a good pair of shoes. Did you know that in a training session your feet can swell up to a whole shoe size? The things you learn. So it turns out that I have established another reason to avoid running/walking for the time being, I won't be able to get the proper kind of footwear to protect my (useless?) toenails from falling off.

This brings me back to the internalization, that perhaps we just have toenails to keep our digits all looking alike. Fingernails and toenails, just for a symmetry effect. To my mind now, I think of what a toe, or even an entire foot, would look like with no toenails, kind of creepy in a weird way. But, at the same time, it is only weird because I have toenails and understand that they are part of the toe and to not have them it would be an odd looking toe.

Perhaps we have toenails as a mean to provide support for the structure of a toe. If we didn't have a toenail, would we have little round rolls of whatever they are composed of to support us? Would it be able to support us and offer stability? Stability, that is a choice to consider. If our toes were rounded, they wouldn't be much good for stability as they may have more of a tendency to roll under pressure. The toenail, to some degree, seems to give the toe a more oblong shape, which in turn offers more surface area and that in turn provided additional stability.

Maybe toenails were put there for the purpose of giving us something silly to consider. :)

Friday, February 29, 2008

Day: 2/28/08

Ok, still not much of anything going on.

Work is still work. Though job #2 became more difficult as the night went on. We started off short-handed, as one of our girls called in. Normally, this isn't much of a problem, but, an hour into my shift, another girl said she had to go home for being sick. Ok, bigger problem now. So, with just a cosmetician on the front register, and me in the photo lab and a manager having to do everything else, we somehow managed to pull it all together and make it through our nightly rushes. By the time I get home, I'm not hungry but I eat my burger, get cleaned up, and head to bed.

I do have one little update regarding my blog. I'm sure you've noticed the redhead cutie off to the side there. Woohoo! Thanks to www.weatherpixie.com for the sort-of-current weather information.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Day: 2/26/08

Been kind of a slow few days for me. I have spent some of my time perusing various online comics, which I have added links to the ones I liked at the bottom of this page. To say there is a lot of unknown talent out there is an understatement. I makes me wonder how these artists and creative forces are so underutilized. I look at Hollywood and the movie and tv companies and think of how little innovation is out there. Remakes, redos, updates, sequels, and rip-offs seem to be what they are interested in making. For example, all these 'reality' shows. What part of reality are they living in? I don't know very many people that live or act on a normal basis in the manner these people portray themselves.

I do enjoy watching the game shows. Wheel of Fortune has been a long time favorite. I recall watching it for many years after school at my grandparents house. It was always fun and interesting to try to guess the puzzle before the contestants did. Another favorite is Jeopardy. Admittedly, I don't often get many right, but I get a few. I take quite a few stabs in the dark at the questions; sometimes I get lucky and get it right. I also use to enjoy Press Your Luck, the Whammy always was a treat to see even though the animations were, by today's standards, lack-luster.

Now, I was watching a newer show, Moment of Truth, this is not so much a game show, its more like a "lets see whose life we can F up this week" kind of deal. The lady that was 'playing' was sort of recently married, and her family and husband were on the show in a kind of 'family room' section. This show hooked the player up to a lie detector and asked a bunch of very personal and potentially damaging questions. Then, they all piled into the studio and the 'player' was reasked the questions in front of everyone and had to match her answers from earlier based on the lie detector results. By the end of her set of questions, she had admitted on tv that she was in love with an ex-boyfriend, thought she was married to the wrong guy, had cheated on her husband, and would leave him in a heartbeat for the ex if he asked. Ok, what part of that was a 'game'? Was the $50,000 worth destroying her marriage, her parent's faith in her, and her friends respect? I felt more like I was watching a sleazy daytime, or very late at night, talk show than a game show.

I had ranted before, elsewhere, about how it seems that today's society has gone to Hell in a handbasket when these kind of shows are considered entertainment. We are bombarded by an onslaught of shows, that degrade and demean people for the sake of money or some other form of 'reward'. In days past, shows had a message, gave life a meaning, or were morally upright in the least. I miss the days of Andy Griffith and Leave it to Beaver. Back in the days when people may fight over something, but in the end they worked out their differences and moved on, not dress up in drag and try to beat each other bloody on network tv. Our daily news is filled with scenes and stories of violent behavior, corruption, and general nastiness the world over. It is rare indeed to see a story of someone doing the right thing or of defusing a situation that could have gotten worse if the participants had not been of more moral character.

Are our standards so low? Do we want this to be how we are remembered when we leave this mortal coil? What kind of message are we sending to our children? We live in a world of violence and lacking in basic civility and morals. People don't seem to care if a few hundred people are killed a year per city. If you do the math out, that is thousands of people killed often for less reason than because they had a nice pair of shoes that someone else wanted but couldn't afford right away. Theft, murder, drugs, prostitution, violence, hatred seem to be what society peddles now. I fear for my own child, growing up in a world like this. How many temptations of wrong doing will he face in his life? How can one family stand against it all so that their children can grow up knowing right and wrong?

I look to what I believe and offer hope that I may pass on to my son understanding, tolerance, and faith so that he will be able to face the world honestly and be able to make decisions that are morally correct and of an upstanding citizen. I know the journey will not be easy, but I look at the stars and think that we will make it through.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Day: 2/24/08

Party time at the house. We had worked hard to scrub and polish the last few items in the house for the baby shower. The meat tray, vegetable tray, ice cream punch, bite-size little wieners, and other drinks were all assembled and laid out for the guests to begin arriving. We had been told to expect 30 or so people. Now, I don't know who learned how to count where, but we had maybe 8 show. 30...8...last I remember being taught, 8 is much smaller than 30. So, after a wonderful effort on everyone's part, we were comfy with the small group that did arrive and the mom-to-be-again had a really nice little party.

My friend and co-worker, Aradiana and her son did a wonderful job on the cake. It was greatly enjoyed and the teddy bears on the cake were ooh'ed and aah'ed appropriately. After we get all the pictures in, I will try to remember to modify this post to show off some of the pictures.

After a little clean-up, redishing and handing out left overs, and tidying the place back up to par, we all sat down to enjoy a few beers (Guinness in my case ;) ) and just enjoy our company for a few hours.

We had a minor panic after everyone was about to leave. One of the cars did not want to crank. So, me and my friend piled into my car, dragging a car battery along to Auto Zone and had it tested. Ok, Auto Zone says despite its look, it's perfectly fine. Ok, back home with the news. Next step, clean. Baking soda and some water with a toothbrush are taken to the contacts and battery to shine it up a bit and clear a little build-up around the terminals. Put it all back together and.....VROOM! Yay! So I did my good deed for the day and saved my friend a lot of money by sharing a little knowledge.

Day: 2/23/08

Rearranging day! Ok, after having the den in its configuration for a few years now, we felt the need to open it up a bit. I freely admit, I am not a decorator. But, courtesy of a friend of ours, we managed to rearrange the furniture and what nots into a workable space. At first impression, the room does feel like it has a little more foot space to it. Only time will tell if it holds up. I have it already a few things that need to be created to maintain a couple of pieces orientations.

On a sad note, my tv of many years committed suicide. I am not sure what the motivation was for it to do such a thing, but perhaps it was missing its electrical supply having been unplugged for the better part of the day.

RIP: JVC 26" tv.

After the memorial for the tv, we had to get about putting some finishing touches on the house. We had agreed to host a baby shower for a friend of ours, and as anyone with children knows, a perfectly clean house is next to impossible. As night approached, and we put the toy cars back for the nth time, we called it a night and hoped to get up early the next morning.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Day: 2/21/08

Strange day today. I was busy, but not busy, at the same time. Of course, I think I mostly felt that way because work was interrupting my reading. My focus on my studies has increased as I have continued to navigate through the internet. For the past two, or so, days, I have been slowly advancing through a file regarding CyberCraft. I have been taking my time with this file as I hit a reference to another document, and in interest, I headed off to find the other document. Such are the ways of my wanderings of late.

The new document, the Humanist Manifesto II is an interesting document. It outlines the goals and thoughts of what the American Humanist Association is promoting. As the CyberCraft document referenced this manifesto as to be included in its scope, I figured it would be good to know what it was. Primarily, it is a call to all people to try sitting down and talking things out instead of killing each other in the name of religion, God, king, country, etc. etc. An end to poverty, hunger, government corruption, are all addressed (kind of vaguely sometimes in my opinion) as problems that need to be overcome. The website maintains that there are thousands of signatures, but only lists a few of those as signers of the manifesto. It was theorized that one of the reasons the manifesto has received so many signatures is due to a line in reference to that about signing that you basically agree with the intent of the document, even if you don't agree with every point.

While I think there are plenty of problems in the world. I am curious as to how we could attempt to solve them. Sure, we could take everyone's individual wealth, put it all in a big pool, and then give every person a percentage of that pool. Would this end poverty? No, it just gives everyone an equal footing for a second. I honestly believe that a lot of our poverty comes from governments and social issues. The government taxes or just takes what it wants in pretty much every country of the world. And social education teaches some people that it is ok to just sit at home eating bon bons on the couch and let someone else do all the work and then let the government cut this lazy arse a check each month because of their 'illness' of obesity or some other inane reason. We are a nation of welfare.

Now before I get misunderstood, I know that there are people out there that are unable to work at most things due to some limitation or impairment. I fully understand that if you had both arms chopped off in an accident at work, yeah, I have no problem with you having welfare. Certainly there are people that honestly deserve the help. If you were temporarily laid off or lost your job, honestly, then no, I have no problem trying to help out while you are trying to get a new job.

As you can see, I am just kind of bouncing around as the Chaos leads me. I never know what I will wind up looking into now, but at least I am learning and trying to expand my knowledge and wisdom. Chaos has brought me attempts to break out of the rut. For that, I am thankful, because I was getting bored.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Day: 2/19/08

Well, nothing much to report about lately. It has been a number of days of just routine work and sleep. Of any research I've done, I have been online reading various web pages on Chaos Magic practice and theory. To see some of my travels, I have added a new page feature of links that I find useful and care to share. It is right below the RSS feeds for other blogs on the right-hand side of the page. For those who are more adult, I also have added a new link to the very bottom of the page. Please, no minors. You have been warned. :)

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Day: 2/13/08

It never ceases to amaze me at how many people wait until the last minute to make purchases around various holidays. In this instance, Valentine's Day. This day, at the store, we were nearly mobbed. I am curious as to how so many people can wait until the 11th hour when they know that a certain day is approaching they can, in good conscious, purchase things that are supposed to have a meaningful value but are often bought in a hurry and with little thought. Certainly there is some merit to "it's the thought that counts", but does it really merit that much? Due to situations I allowed to get out of control, I didn't particularly do anything for this holiday. But, to run into a store on the last minute and purchase a card and a box of chocolates? It seems like a quick out for something that someone didn't take the time to put much thought into. At least I don't feel like I took an easy out and made a hasty, uncaring purchase just to make it through the holiday.

I ranted before at the commercialization of holidays. I won't get into it again, at the moment.

Now, just to be clear. I know not everyone has the option of planning an elaborate dinner or some romantic gesture for their significant other on this holiday. Work, school, bills, they all sometimes just don't allow for the time or ability to do something that really shows you care. But, as far as a gesture to show that you care, is it really necessary to do something big and expensive? I don't think so. So long as the person knows that you care deeply about them, a true gesture of your affection and care will suffice. While it may not seem like much, I did such a gesture. We had managed to exhaust all the hot water in the water tank this night, and she wanted to take a hot bath. So, being the caring person I am, I heated water on the stove and carried it pot by pot to the tub and poured it in so that she could have her bath. I didn't have to do it. I did it because I really care for her, and wanted her to have her warm bath. In such a case, I don't believe a card or a box of chocolates would have meant so much from me.

I would suggest to each that when a holiday comes around to take a few moments and consider why we celebrate that holiday, and how much we care about our family and loved ones. Even a simple gesture can mean the world to someone without being expensive or extravagant.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Day: 2/11/08

My mood seemed to darken somewhat today. I don't know if it is just a depression from dealing with different facets of my life as it is now, or just boredom. Probably a little of both. I guess at some point, someone would say I was depressed. Oh well, it is something that I have dealt with before. Time is on my side this time, too. Sure, things may look bad, but at least I can have some faith that even as hard as things may seem, there are those who are worse off.

I remember a passage that I read one day regarding things like this...

"There was a man walking along carrying a large cross on his back (as Jesus did in the Bible). The cross was heavy, and the man struggled to carry it. Turning his eyes to the heavens, he called out, "Lord, this cross is much too heavy for me. Please take this burden from me." To the man's surprise, the Lord appeared and showed the man a door. The Lord said, "I will take your burden from you. Place the cross you carry inside this room and you may pick any other cross in there to replace it with." The man thanked the Lord, and entered the room, setting his cross down against a wall.
Inside the room, there were crosses of many sizes, some were so large that the top of them could not be seen from where the man stood. As he moved around the room, the man picked up different crosses, feeling their weight and returning them to where they were. Just as the man was getting frustrated, he found a small cross against a wall. The man picked up the cross and found it to weigh nearly nothing. Looking to the Lord, the man said, "I will take this cross, Lord." The Lord smiled at the man and said, "My child, that is the cross you came in with."

I have always enjoyed this story, it gives me hope that we are never given more than what we can carry. Sure, sometimes what we carry can seem like a great weight, but compared to some, they are nothing.

I look to my chaos star, and it reminds me that things can go many different directions. Whether they may be in our favor or not, there is always a choice. So, I comfort myself that the Chaos is doing what it needs to do in my life. I am still depressed feeling a bit, but at least I have help along the way.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Day: 2/9/08

While at work, I found myself musing over an odd subject. IF one product is supposedly better than any others, then WHY are there a million and one types of it? Sprays, creams, lotions, gels, ovules, spray gels, spray creams, etc. I can understand why there are normally different brands, but for one brand to have one product in 30 different varieties (and I'm not just meaning flavors, colors, or smells)? How many options does a person need? Certainly different people are more comfortable using a 'tried and true' method, but when a way comes along that is better and more effective, why continue with the old stand-by?

I figure that a lot of it has to do with a person's comfort level with a product. They know it works the way it is, so why bother changing? Certainly, I can say that I have been such a person in the past and sometimes too in the present. Perhaps some of it is a fear. A fear that they don't know how to use the product or that it may be different in some significant way and it won't work as well. Some may just have heard some rumor or story from someone's brother's aunt's uncle's former roommate that the new way is wrong or bad in some way.

I can even understand there being different 'strengths' to a product. Regular, extra strength, maximum strength, ultimate stupendous marvelous strength. Ok, certainly different people need different levels of strength, no argument there. Flavors too I can understand, not everyone likes pistachio mocha banana flavor. Color as well, no argument, I don't think I would look good wearing polka-dot stripes.

Getting off my rant, I do need to remind myself of something that occurred on the Friday before, 2/8/08. An old friend told me that an old spirit that use to stay with me had been sighted again. For near a year he has been around, but my friend only felt comfortable saying something to me about it until now so that she could be sure it was him.

This is really an interesting revelation, in that before now, he had not been sighted but every couple of years or so. That suddenly there would be a resurgence of his appearances is testimony to something possibly having happened to draw him back to our circle of friends. At the moment, I do not know what this event could have been, but there are people looking in to it.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Day: 2/5/08

A moment of silence is requested to remember those who lost their lives, homes, friends, families, and faced hardship in the wake of the storms of February 5, 2008 in the Memphis-metro and surrounding areas.

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A day of changes today, some more welcome than others.

I followed my normal routine: wake, wash, drive, coffee. So, while I'm at work, I get the call from home that I need to come home because momma is all up with the stomach virus. Ok, that doesn't go over well at work, but after a few phone calls, there is no help for it, I have to go home.

Home was not a pleasant scene. The rugrat had made a mess of whatever he could get his hands on. Momma was praying at the porcelain god. And there was that very distinct smell...you know it, bet you can almost smell it yourself right now. In the words of my son, "Ewwwwww".

Ok, clean up time, momma first, then the floor. Momma makes it to bed and is out like a light. So me and the kiddo occupy ourselves with what we can find. Generally, it is his Hot Wheels, or some of his many and varied selection of playballs. I do manage to get a little time on the Playstation 2. I really shouldn't play when I'm really tired, since this time I managed to save a new game on top of my old game...oops. So much for all those hours of play. Oh well, I wasn't happy with the direction of that other game anyways. I learned late in it that I had missed some very valuable opportunities.

Anyway, if you know Memphis bloggers, I am sure that everyone in the city with a blog has written about the storms that rolled through this night. Driving winds, rain, tornadoes, etc. Quite the night. I haven't seen that much television without commercials in a long time. At the house, we occupied our time watching the weather, and taking ventures outside to see what the sky was doing. The boy wasn't really into the mood as for the short time we hunkered down in the hallway, he didn't feel like being quiet and was restless. Guess he was feeling the storm's energy, he was a handful. Later, after the first squall hit, we had a few moments of peace while the news channels kept on about the first storm until the second one came along.

The second storm wasn't as dangerous as the first, but it came along with 50+ mph winds and more rain. It moved through the area so quickly that no one really had long to worry about it. Of course, it looked a lot worse on the tv's radar systems. And they had to use every version of software they had, in rotation, to show just how bad it might be and looked. Sometimes, I think they just do that to show off how much money they have spent on this stuff. Don't get me wrong now, I appreciate their work and dedication to warn us of danger from the weather, it's just sometimes, I think they overdo it.

So after all the commotion was over, we put the kid to bed, me to bed, and momma was not far behind. Now, normally, I'm not this tired this early in the evening. I think that some of my tiredness was from that during the storm, I had this subtle feeling of energy coming out of me. Now, I don't know one way or the other, but I feel like I either fed the storm some energy, or was keeping the worst of the storm and tornadoes at bay from the house and family. I will hope it is the second reason and not the first. Maybe it was a little of both. Chaos is funny that way. :)


Pictures of some of the damage:







Monday, February 4, 2008

Day: 2/3/08

Having taken up the path of Chaos Magick, I have found chaos in my life in many strange ways. I do have to note, that I have to remind myself that just because I have an energy to call upon for help, does not mean to call on it every second of every day. I mention this because I have on occassion called upon Chaos to help me in some way that I probably should be doing on my own. Or, that it was something that if I had done it right the first time, then I wouldn't have to be in a situation where I needed help with it.

Chaos has come unbidden at times too. I was wasting time on the internet this day, and I had a sudden urge to explore mathmatical equations. This in turn sent me searching for physics equations, and that ultimately to the physics of the galaxy. That search lead me to "the physics of Super Mario Galaxy" (honestly, it's really been done, this is just one of the links for it). Who would have thought that I could absorb myself in the reading of this article that is nearly ubergeek-dom (yes, I am still something of a geek myself, so don't hate me for such a comment).

I digress here to make a note that apparently I am making some progress on my personal growth. That I could focus my entire attention into this article, is a step in the right direction. Attention is said in some systems to be the base of all that we do, the better you can pay attention, the better you will live. Or something like that. :)

For a quiet (or as quiet as a day can get with a 2 year old in the house) Sunday, it was rather uneventful, and that is just ok with me :)

Friday, February 1, 2008

Day: 1/31/08

Ok, being sick isn't really much fun. Oral and anal diarrhea don't always combine well. If you're not praying to the porcelain god, your sitting on 'im. I am not quite sure of the reason for my illness, though I suspect my sinuses have a lot to do with it. So, I took most of the day off work. Come about 5 p.m. I was feeling a bit better so I took my chances and went in to job #2. In hindsight, I probably should have stayed home.

Work was a flurry. I was too busy to worry much about my weakened health. A man down is not always well taken, and tonight was one of those nights. At least the photo machine wasn't dead or over-worked like some nights. The manager seeing I didn't have much to do except to check out the ever-present line of customers asked me to set up a 12' section of the store with the remaining Valentine's Day candy hearts. Well, between customers and the occasional photo order, I managed to have the section done in about 4 hours.

Once I returned home, I ate my Wendy's and went to bed. Real exciting night, I know. :)

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Day: 1/29/08

More study today for me. This time, I was spending time online to find out about various Norse (viking) hol(y)days. As most information regarding the ancient Norse religion has been obscured or corrupted or forgotten over the years, there is much variation and variety to be found. Some days I found were claiming ancient origin, even to preclude recognized Christian holidays. These earlier days bear some, and often many, explanations as to how current holidays are actually based on the older.

Some of the holidays are more recent or clannish in their observance. These days are not likely to have been recognized in ancient times, but they call back to ancient times to honor the past and the dead.

A few websites that I visited (and still have the links to :) ):

http://www.asatru.org/

http://www.wizardrealm.com/norse/holidays.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lists_of_holidays#Celtic.2C_Norse.2C_and_Neopagan_holidays

Not that I actually plan to adopt these particular holidays, but I find them interesting and as I don't particularly celebrate many holidays as it is now, maybe I will find some meaning in new ones that I am not as familiar with.

Christmas is one holiday that I typically celebrate, sort of. I find that each year I lose more interest in the actual day as the commercialism continues to push and push on us. What does Christmas mean to most people now anymore but a day we are supposed to give presents? Do children even understand 'why' they are getting presents?

Halloween is a fun one for me. I enjoy this holiday (even though we don't get the day off work for it). However, this too is becoming a commercial day, more and more push to sell candy. Are children even told about All Hallow's Eve and why it is observed?

The meanings of so many things that are observed, people have forgotten in favor of the commercial aspects of the event. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Halloween, Boss's Day, and on and on. I don't even know 'why' we celebrate some of these days. A sad state our state is in.

And people wonder why there is so much violence and hatred in the world. I can think of one reason.